About a year ago, I got my acceptance letter to join university in the USA. I have dreamed about that day for so long that in that morning, I could barely believe it was true. After that, you all know the story but let’s go back in time. 😀
October 2017
After moving to Australia in September, a month later my life in Australia started making sense. I had an apartment, some friends and a nice job. But the good vibes did not last for long (I am a terrible unsatisfied person). I found a very well paid job but I was complaining every day that the job was not challenging me enough; I was living 15 minutes away from the beach in an amazing apartment but my flatmate was too rude to me; I met a very cool guy but after a few months, I ended up the relationship because I was to engage in moving to the USA and he was not. Everything was weird in Australia for me. I was really struggling to enjoy my life there, even though everything was quite good. Today, after more than a year I think maybe I was living there but half of my head/heart was in my past traveling life (see more here) and the other half was in the dream I had of moving/studying in the USA.
May 2018
I was so confused and at the same time so unsure about what I wanted. Continue traveling was the easy answer for me. When my work contract finished, I decided to book a trip to Bali with this unknown guy I had met in the north of Australia. Talking to my friends, I was excited to be back on the road and explore a new place but deeply inside I just wanted to be in, be still and be alone. Why did not I hear myself? After traveling non-stop for almost 2 years, I was tremulously exhausted (physically and mentally). But I thought, once again, that trip would bring me more clarity (which did not, of course).
Before flying to Bali, I stopped for 5 days in Brisbane to meet a friend who attend university with me in France (see more about it here and also here). My friend was living about 1 hour away from downtown in a beautiful house not far from the lake. For the first time in a very long time, I felt I just wanted to have that calm life: far from the noise, far from people, far from everything.
Sometimes life wakes you up when you do not dare to do it.
Believe it or not, the trip that had EVERYTHING to be perfect turned out to be a disaster! Have you read about it here? I did not stay more than 5 days with the guy that I was supposed to travel for 2 weeks (and believe me those were some of the most painful days/nights in my traveling experience), my surf camp was not as good as I possible expected/ paid for and I ended up having a motorbike accident that took me 6 months to recover. 6 MONTHS!!!! (I talked about all of this here)
A few days later, I was in my friend’s house in Brisbane far from everyone and everything as I deeply wished in the first place. Although the recovery from my accident was painful, although I had to leave Australia much sooner than I expected, I know (today) that accident was maybe a way of God questioning me what I really wanted for life: Continuing that uncertain life of not knowing what to do day after day or sitting my fucking ass and study again for the exams for university?
November 2019
The accident happened in June, I flew back to Europe in August and I got my first acceptance letter from university in the USA in October. Today when I look back, I only wish I had listened to myself more. Deeply inside us, we always know what we want. Nothing is perfect in my life and I hope this post can help someone else if you are in a similar situation as I was.
Beijinho,
Daniela