Today I wanted to share with you something very personal but also very important for me that I hope, it will resonate with some of you.
Before I talk about my big wish for 2020, let me tell you a story
Four years ago, I started, without knowing, my path to a more active spiritual life. Do not take me wrong with these words and, please, do not judge me about this subject. In 2015, I, of course, did not know I was starting such a journey within myself. I have had a terrible year: from sleeping bad night after night to literally crying morning after morning before going to work (I talked about this here). I was 24 years old. At the time, I went to see a doctor and he gave me some pills to help me sleep better. At work, I was surrounded by people that caused me so much pain and suffer that you can not even imagine. I wished them so many bad things (I am not proud of it) that I could barely recognize myself. In the meantime, I was on my first attempt to be accepted at grad school in the US.
I was completely drained out but I could not even understand how to get out of it. Sports helped a lot but there was something that totally changed within me in December 2015.
My first meditation session
I have had a long day at work. I went to the gym and finally sat at home to study at 10 pm. I was tired but I had committed myself to study 2 hours a day until my exam. For some reason, that night I could not concentrate. Many people had mentioned meditation as a good way to find stillness but I never really took it serious. BUT THAT NIGHT WAS DIFFERENT. I was hopeless! I was so sad and unsure about the life I had and the happiness state I was IN that I decided to give it a try. Meditation was not something that people would talk about it, four years ago. I googled several websites and I decided to give it a try to one video on YouTube. For 30 minutes, I followed the instructions: sitting on the floor; listing the sound from my laptop; and breathing.
Something that I am still not able to describe till today very weird start happening… And in minutes, I started crying as a little kid. I could not control it. I cried, for sure, for 45 minutes non-stop. BUT after that, I felt sooooo relief… I cannot explain in words how much better I felt after that night. I meditate ever since that night.
That was my first contact with trying to understand myself and my feelings in a deeper way. Believe me or not: that very same night I took two decisions: the first, create this blog, the second quit my job in Paris. The rest of the story you already know: I traveled for over a year alone.
My wish for 2020 is to find more stillness inside me. To meditate more and longer hours in 2020. To honestly, connect more with myself and my feelings. To accept deeply who I am and erase trauma and sadness. To forgive more and to give more. To ask for less and smile and hug even more. Finally, for 2020 I wish to follow in love with the process of loving myself everyday.
I hope this article can help someone, in case you are looking to become more connected with your inner self. If not, hope you enjoyed the reading anyway.
Beijinho,
Daniela